


Hello. My name is Castiel ... and I have Angel herpes

by Evil_Chibi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angelic STD, Humor, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 15:23:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1693160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evil_Chibi/pseuds/Evil_Chibi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel feels and odd itch, and finds some unusual blisters on his wings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hello. My name is Castiel ... and I have Angel herpes

**Author's Note:**

> My attempts at laughing to hid the pain.
> 
> Enjoy

Cas could feel an itch. This, Cas had come to realize, was a normal thing for a human to feel and due to his burnt out grace Cas was human in all but name. To simplify, Cas was used to the human urge to itch something. 

But this itch wasn't normal. It was in an uncomfortable place, and in a place that Cas was completely certain that humans didn't get itches in. 

Cas' wings were itching.

In all his millenia Cas had felt many sensations in his wings; burning, bleeding and at one point he remembered his wings being ripped from him. But he had never felt itching. 

Absent mindedly Cas reached behind towards the itching and began to scratch. He couldn't quite reach the spot that felt the worst. 

Breaking out of his itch haze Cas looked over to where Sam and Dean were researching their monster of the week. Sam looked over at Cas and his itchy plight.

"You okay there Cas?" Dean looked up and gave Cas a subtlety concerned look. 

"My wings are itching" His irritation was obvious to the Winchesters. Cas glared at Sam, as if he was the source of the feathery irritation.

Cas let out an angry growl as he struggled to reach the one spot of true irritation. 

"Need help there, buddy?" Dean seemed to be finding to much pleasure in the situation for Cas' liking. But that didn't mean that Cas was going to turn down deans offer for help. 

Turning, Cas pulled of the jumper that Dean had let him use while they attempted to wash the blood and gore from his clothes. Cas looked at Dean, a challenge in his eyes. 

Dean shrugged and stalked over to Cas before cracking his knuckles and reaching for Castile's back. "A moment" asked Cas as he closed his eyes and focused on the feeling of his wings as he forced them to materialize so that Dean and Sam could see.

Cas heard Dean let out a gasp but instead of stopping to revel in the knowledge that he had caused Dean to become speechless Cas shifted his wings to remind Dean that they had been materialized for a reason.

Dean reached out, completely intending to make them most of the situation and feel as much of Castiel's shadowy wings as possible. But before he could assist Cas something strange caught his eye.

"Hey, Cas, are wings meant to have blisters." Cas wasn't sure what Dean meant.

"Let me see" Until he had spoken both Cas and Dean had forgotten that Sam had still been in the room.

Sam reached out and carefully moved some of Castiel feathers so that he could get a closer look. Sam let out a quiet noise of surprise.

Pulling away, Sam gave Cas an uncomfortable look. "Cas, when you and that reaper, uh, you know..." Sam's discomfort seemed to have grown, but it just made Cas more confused.

However it seemed that Dean had grasped what Sam was trying to imply as he quickly pulled his hands away from Castiel wings.

Cas squinted his eyes and looked behind him wondering what was going on. Dean and Sam shared an uncomfortable look. Dean seemed to lose whatever silent argument that they were having.

"Cas . . ." Dean began the reluctance in his time was palpable "When you had sex-" Dean let out an irritated sigh before blurting out "Did you use a condom?"

Thankfully for Dean, Cas understood what he meant. But he was unsure why dean was asking. 

"No" Cas answered honestly. "I am an angel and unable to contract human diseases." Sam let out a moose like snort of disbelief. 

"Yeah, Cas, about that . . ." 

"What Sam?" 

Sam didn't say anything, he just pointed to one of the larger blisters currently decorating Castiel's wings. Now that they had been pointed out, Cas could see what they were talking about.

The blisters did look eerily like what Castiel knew genital herpes blisters looked like. That and the itching made it obvious where the Winchesters had drawn their conclusions from. But that didn't mean that Castiel had a human STD. Cas didn't even know how an angel would contract a human disease anyway.

"Sam, I do not have a sexualy transmitted disease." Cas was not amused, he was genuinely in an itchy hell, he didn't need Sam making up problems for him.

"Cas." Dean looked at Cas and he could see the honesty in Dean's eyes. "Sammy isn't making it up." 

Castiel wondered how Dean could say that with such conviction. Then he noticed the experienced light in Dean's eyes. 

"Dean", Began Cas cautiously "Do you have herpes?" 

A thumping noise echoed around the room as Sam stared at Dean in shock, the book he had been holding laid abandoned on the floor. Sam seemed to struggle with himself as he forced out a shocked "What?"

Dean seemed unhappy with the turn that the conversation had taken. "Not any more" Dean admitted reluctantly. "But I know what it looks like and, Cas, you have herpes." 

Cas glared at dean, a look made slightly more threatening by the wings arching up either side of him. " Dean, I am weakened but I am still an angel." Cas seemed irritated that he had to explain his situation. 

"But Cas, " Sam once again reminded the others of his presence "You said it yourself you're not completely angel, you're only running at half power. So it's not completely impossible for your healing to miss something and in this case I, uh, guess that something was herpes."

Cas glared at Sam, as if he were judging if he was, in fact, an idiot. "I don't have genital herpes Sam, as the irritation is not on my genitals." 

"Maybe, its like the angelic equivalent of herpes. Like, it doesn't affect your junk but it affects your wings instead." Dean seemed both pleased and uncomfortable with his deduction. Cas could see the thought process behind the statement but he was still denying the idea that he had the angelic equivalent of herpes.

Sam's head snapped up and his eyes glowed blue with angelic grace. Cas looked on in shock as Sam’s consciousness was pushed to the back of his mind and replaced by an obviously angelic creature.

“Brother.” The angel looked up and gave Castiel a nod of greeting. 

“Dude!” exclaimed Dean, who up till now had believed that Ezekiel had thought it best if nobody knew about Sam’s possession. 

“Dean.” Ezekiel barely noticed Dean’s presence and Dean began to wonder if this was how Sam felt whenever he and Cas had a conversation.

“Brother, what the Winchesters are saying is possible. An angel, if weak enough, can contract human diseases.”

Cas chose to ignore the fact that he didn't recognise the angel in front of him for more pressing matters. 

“How do you know this?” 

Sam’s face morphed into the face of a man remembering a horrible experience. “I know because I too have had the angelic herpes.” 

Castiel looked conflicted, part of him wanted to ask the angel how they caught Angel Herpes and the other part was still in denial. Ezekiel seem to realise this. 

“Brother, the first step to finding a cure is to admit that you need one.”

Cas looked to Dean and received a comforting nod for his efforts. Taking a breath Castiel admitted the truth: “I... have angel herpes”


End file.
